Esteem is one of those terms whose meaning is not very concrete to most people. It is a term with a definition that can be very relative to each individual. Wikipedia, however, defines esteem as “a favorable appraisal of a person who possesses qualities estimated as of significant value.” To this end it labels two distinct types of esteem: Respect and recognition by others and self-respect.
Think of a person in your life whom you have good faith in as being competent, has integrity, perhaps they have complementary moral values and ideals close to your own, and having your trust. These are all components of a respected individual. Respect is a great thing in that it adds general reliability to social interactions, enriching them and making them more efficient and effective as it allows individuals to work in groups, adding a complementary nature to them. This can only be built by a person partaking in acts that are generally considered good and beneficial to those whom hold the respected person in such high regard. Once these requirements are met respect can be earned.
The benefits of having respect among members of a group or team are force-multiplying—useful for hierarchical and peer relationships in that environments of mutual respect often lead to dramatic increases in progress and productivity, especially when it is recognized by all parties.
By having large social networks a person has a greater opportunity to be recognized for your respectable deeds, integrity, and complementary nature to others. Earning respect with others means building esteem. Being held in high esteem by others fulfills the esteem need set by Maslow…mostly.
The other half of esteem is self-respect. Theologian Abraham Herschel once said “Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” Respecting oneself boils down to accepting oneself: Holding yourself in regards enough that you accept who you are for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Self-respect is not necessarily contingent on success, because life will bring failures with it. Research conducted by Dr. Ellen J. Langer, Judith White, and Johnny Walsch, of Harvard University suggests that self-respect allows people the advantages of being less prone to blame, guilt, regret, lies, secrets and stress.
When I was younger my family moved more than most: Three different towns by the time I graduated high school. In the third grade I was held in high regards by my peers, was accomplished, and felt like I was on top of the world. Then my family moved. Again, I made the investment and gained much of what I had back—probably more; just in a different place. By the time we made the next move two grades later I wasn’t so apt to make the investment: Sooner or later it would all end up the same. This was the time in my life, however, where I entered the “trying too hard” phase. I answered every question, laughed a bit too much perhaps, and went that extra mile. Evidently this did not bode well with my peers in this new place. My confidence decreased, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. What was happening inside my head started dictating what was happening in my world.
It wasn’t until I dug deep inside, found my core competencies as an individual, and gained self-esteem from them by expressing myself through various outlets in which I could derive self-worth. The better I felt about myself, the better my world became: The more those around me began to hold me in higher regards.
The truest happiness comes from inside ourselves: The happier we are, the more the world around us notices it. Happiness is not just the feeling that we want to achieve (at least in a periodic basis), but it is something that begets success.
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