“Live life like the owner of a heart of stone
No one touches, touch no one
But the road gets weary when you’re all alone
I’ve spent too many nights looking over my shoulder
And the ways of the world make a heart grow colder”
—Richard Marx, “Wait for the Sunrise”
A good friend once enlightened me with the bit of wisdom that “people do things, ultimately, to find entertainment value.” You go to work so that you can afford to be entertained. You spend money on the best tickets for such-and-such an event to be entertained. Entertainment begets positive emotions, and people ultimately do things to lead to delight, happiness, satisfaction. Call it the pursuit of happiness, if you will. With all this talk of emotion, where does it fit into things? Yes, people condition their actions to sway away from negative feelings and to sway towards big things. Look in the news and you’ll find stories that are likely manifestations of people with hurt feelings.
The military thickened my skin, hardened my heart. I don’t feel that people are born with the capability to withstand a lot of negative emotion: Instead, it is a conditioned response to their environment. In a more technical description, emotional coldness is not necessarily a genetic function, but more a manifestation of environmental factors. By the time that I was out I was ready to put my game face on in a matter of micro-seconds: A stern-looking Patton, of sorts. I developed a single, multi-purpose emotion. I was the epitome of a warrior: I could withstand great bouts of the cold, cold world and deal with a given mission however it was called to be dealt with: I could present a warm and kind persona or a firm, mission-oriented one.
Before the military, I wasn’t this person. Often withdrawing into my introversion at the sign of the feeling of failure, I spent this time in deep reflection and constant learning. I came equipped with a warm heart and a mid-western attitude of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Years after being out of the military the warmth came back to my heart. The process to master is the balancing act of detachment from emotion while not losing your humanity. I still get hurt from things that I need to be detached from. I take things too personally sometimes; on the other hand, I still have the warrior in me that serves more a functional purpose.
The form of emotion or the function of fight: Herein lies the art to developing yourself. Image is everything, and people expect a leader to be simultaneously compassionate and strong. Indeed, it’s not easy.
Emotion can be a force multiplier, but it needs to be the right kind: It needs to match the purpose at hand. Self-loathing will not benefit you when the mode you need to be in is confidence. A healthy dose of ego might do the trick there, however. Be mindful not to allow the irrationality of emotion to enter the stage, though. Irrationality can be coupled with panic in some cases, and panic is caused by the sudden onset of fear or similar emotions that will otherwise cloud your better judgment.
