''My wife said the sky was blue, but the lightning bolt was the most horrible sound she had heard in her life,'' said Clemente Vazquez-Bello, owner of the home where Canales and two workers had come to do landscaping.’
You ever get that idea that God (the god or higher-power, omnipotent being of your choice) just has it in for some people?
I recently found this stumbling my way around the Internet. I laughed my butt off. I hope you enjoy, too.
Season 1:
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
Murphy’s Laws of Combat, Part 2
· Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
I’ve already mentioned “don’t attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance instead.” However, in those cases when someone wishes to vindictively do you harm you’d be best not to surmise their retreat as a retreat: Just a regroup.
· If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.
I have a saying that I use when problem-solving: Try graceful, intelligent, creative tactics first…but if that doesn’t work use the brute force approach.
· Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
This is a tricky one. When I first joined the military I served as a combat engineer: Trained in demolitions, minefields, other combat obstacles, it was instilled in us that we needed to be detail-oriented in things to the letter. When I was in personnel administration this notion was reinforced doubly. However, when I was in recruiting…I was trained to think in exceptions: Ninety-five percent of the rules were flexible and had exceptions; there were only a select few that couldn’t be bent.
· Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the colonel's HQ.
Ever plan something within the confines of your own environment, but when you take it to someone else (such as your boss) for approval it fails? No plan survives combat—or the “real world—“ intact.
· The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
You could be doing everything perfect all the time, but that one time you make a mistake—bet your hind quarters that someone is watching.
· One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
Obstacles stack up quickly. Don’t “bite off more than you can chew.”
· A clean (and dry) set of BDUs is a magnet for mud and rain.
BDUs, or the Battle Dress Uniform (since replaced with a newer acronym for the Army and Marine’s digital camouflage uniform), is the standard uniform that you see anyone in the military wearing in the field. Few things—if anything—survive the real world intact.
· Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
Isn’t this the truth. It’s like crackers: When you have one can of soup around, you have plenty of crackers, but the reciprocal—plenty of soup by few crackers—also tends to be true.
· The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
Value and utility—usefulness—works the same way throughout the entire chain of manufacture to your hands: The more something is worth to you the greater ends you’ll go to fix it not only because it means that much to you, it’s because that’s simply what it takes to get it repaired.
· Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
It is difficult to learn from books what good old-fashioned experience, “trial by fire” can offer you. Experience teaches you how not to panic. Experience teaches you the full depth and breadth of the situational dynamics. Unfortunately, you have to experience it in order to get it.
· Interchangeable parts aren't.
I grew up in a family where my great grandfather was a top-notch automobile mechanic, as is my grandfather, my father, and my brother. Though I don’t proclaim to be one, I can do many of the basic things and have a fundamental understanding of how the combustion engine works from combustion to drive train and exhaust. What I didn’t learn in my youth, however, was what the Army taught me: Hundreds of different people will be able to offer thousands of different solutions to mechanical problems. I’ve seen Army mechanics need to completely undo something that someone else before them engineered in order to properly fix the piece of equipment. Be ready to adapt, because no one else is going to adapt for you.
· No matter which way you have to march, it is always uphill.
Nothing good comes without some trials and tribulations. Life often will force you to march uphill…both ways.
· If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
People will often look for data in a given situation that they are searching for…in other words, inquiries can become self-fulfilling prophecies in the sense that an individual will put a bias on the information that they are seeking in order to prove the point they want to make.
· For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (especially in boot camp).
No matter what you do, someone will have a criticism for it that is opposite and equal to the value that you place in your action. Don’t allow criticism to hold you back from what you want to do or take away from the self-worth you derive from doing it.
· The one item you need is always in short supply.
Isn’t this the very definition of modern economics?
· The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
There is an old saying that we are never put into a situation that we are not meant to be able to handle. Even if we are faring our way through poor weather, we are probably meant to learn something from it.
· The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
This reminds me very much of what we used to call the “Engineer’s Axiom:” Your IQ should be 10 percent higher than that piece of equipment which you are trying to operate. Otherwise you’re likely to run into exactly what the individual finding them in the above situation will find themselves.
· Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
A trap that a manager or a leader often runs into is the trap of unwillingness to delegate. Many of these types of people have been engrained with the belief that they can do things better than someone else. However, this does not allow for the opportunity to learn, to train, and to coach. Artillery that falls short, airstrikes that overshoot, and support that fails to properly hit the mark can be overcome with enough preparation of those people that are required to see to these sorts of tasks.
· When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
The amount that a person is prone to panic is often directly proportional to the gravity of the situation: Panic does strange things to a person…including not allowing them to write legibly, for instance.
· Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
I wish I could find text of the original study, but I recall hearing once of such a study in which World War II and subsequent conflicts were studied and it was shown that, of every 10 people, 7 were there to die, 2 were there to reload for the 10TH individual, and that last person—the 10TH individual—was there to be the warrior. Although valor and glory are two things that make great men and women greater, recall that discretion is part of the valor equation: Pick your battles and remember that many, many Congressional Medals of Honor are awarded posthumously.
· The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
A “glimmering generality” is that people will have the tendency to criticize about what they don’t want, but won’t necessarily know what they want until such time that they see it.
· To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
Context is extremely important when looking at any situation.
· The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
The M60 7.62mmGPMG, General Purpose Machine Gun, was employed on a bipod with an effective range of 500 meters or on a tripod with an effective range 1,100 meters. It also was used on vehicles and helicopters in a defensive role. It was gas operated, air cooled and belt fed, with a quick-change barrel to help reduce overheating during a firefight. It has a practical rate of fire of 200 rounds per minute (550 rounds per minute max): Truly a magnificent weapon, a great tool that could mean life or death for the group of soldiers using it. Entropy is the natural process in which things break down unless we put effort into keeping them useful.
· The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
Jump on your opportunities quickly, or else they’ll go somewhere else.
· When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
Always be prepared for the enemy because you can bet that they will always be prepared for you.
· The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Congressional Medal Of Honor.
…Because new, less experienced individuals often have more boldness than their war-hardened, veteran counterparts they are willing to do those things which others aren’t to be awarded those recognitions that others aren’t. Entropy not only makes those things in our lives less useful, they can make us less useful as well.
· A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Success is when preparation meets opportunity. That bears repeating: When preparation meets opportunity. Sometimes this is just a series of factors that happen to fall into place just right, but oftentimes we can do things like decreasing the risk factors involved with our participation in the situation or we can increase our preparation of ourselves and our teams.
· Murphy was a grunt.
I quickly became aware of a practice by officers that I revered to go to the less-ranking troops in an area of operations—junior non-commissioned officers and below—and ask them of their opinions of what was going on. A former non-commissioned officer in-charge that I had the honor of serving under once remarked of a major general that would often approach him for his opinion about the current events within his command.
Experience gains breadth of perspective while knowledge increases depth of perspective. The higher up a chain of command a person goes, the more their perspective changes from a details-of-the-tactics type to a strategic style. If the non-commissioned officer (sergeants) are the daily supervisors of the Army and the commissioned officers manage the resources of it, the privates and specialists are the arms, legs, and hands of it: Those that do the daily grind of the businesses in which we work. There is a good chance that these individuals might have a perspective that is different from our own and, quite possibly, potentially useful to yours.
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When I first saw these as a private in 1998 the effects were more immediate in my military career than they were in the rest of my life. Within a couple years, however, they began to gain relevance in other aspects of my life.
· If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Simple and stark geometry dictates that if an enemy can hit you with something that can cause harm to you, so can you, and vice versa. More practically, vulnerability often holds with it the same geometry: If someone is vulnerable to you, then there is a likelihood that the reciprocal exists.
· Incoming fire has the right of way.
I’ve heard this put another way in a Demotivators poster: Don’t stand between the competitive jerk and their goals.
· Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
If you’re trying not to be spotted, blend in. This also has a strong correlation with “appearing busy.”
· There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Lack of proper preparation or a poorly-placed opportunity can beget bad luck: With enough preparation, bad luck doesn’t exist.
· The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
Laying a minefield is a military concept called counter-mobility: Maneuvering the enemy through avenues that are more advantageous to you than him or her. In life the easy way is often fraught with problems that are not found in taking the more difficult way.
· Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo
This one goes well with the above law about not looking conspicuous: Attacking takes energy and effort, and if you position yourself in such a way to not be worth being attacked, this can hedge against undesirable things happening.
· Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
I love this one; it is so very useful. Professionals are often well-trained or well-experienced and typically follow stricter regimens in their approach than everyone else. They are often rational, linear and logical in their thinking, and swift and effective in their execution. Amateurs, on the other hand, are typically not this way.
· The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
1. When you're ready for them.
2. When you're not ready for them.
Life happens no matter if you’re prepared for it or not, so why don’t follow the Boy Scout motto and “always be prepared.”
· Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
There is power and, from the cynical perspective, increased survivability in groups.
· If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.
A claymore is a deadly anti-personnel mine that can ruin your day pretty quickly. If you can’t remember how you did something, sometimes it is best to just presume that you need to take another look at it.
· The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
Learning to devote your awareness to the entire world surrounding you or to the minute details therein may mean the difference between success and failure.
· A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
For those who aren’t familiar with the realities of battlefield medicine the “sucking chest wound” is the kind that you don’t want to have because the “sucking” part is the pressure compartment in your lungs being unpressurized. Life, just like combat, give us signals to speed up, slow down, and to continue moving forward. Learn to notice the signs and how to manage them before they turn into your very own “sucking chest wound.”
· If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
Never underestimate the odds of the situation besting you: Increased knowledge and skills allows you to adapt abilities to circumstances. Not doing so can lead to an “ambush.”
· Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
People don’t like being uncomfortable; if you draw uncomfortable situations, people will have a tendency to be irritated with you.
· Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Apathy is not a virtue, but don’t let everyday life know that.
· If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
This bears a strong resemblance to “if the enemy is in range, so are you” axiom. Just like you don’t want to corner a wild animal in a situation that you can’t get out of, either, always have an escape route.
· Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
In the Army, and the other services I imagine, there is a tendency to take on “battle buddies,” the proverbial “guy you share the foxhole with.” In those metaphorical situations where you find yourself with a companion on the frontlines if they are braver than you are, you could end up in a losing battle.
· If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
Have you ever heard that quip about the “calm before the storm?” There is an eerie silence in a combat zone before the “fog of war” and the chaos of battle hits.
· Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
Sometimes the tools that you use are not worth the sum of their parts: Their value is only readily known when you’re using them. If they fail you, you’d better find a way to adapt…quickly.
· Friendly fire isn't.
Don’t attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance: People are often too apathetic than to actually exert the energy to be truly vindictive, but they both can have the same affect.
· Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
Use your time wisely, find efficiencies and be effective in everything that you do.
· The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.
Second lieutenant is the rank of a newly-minted commissioned officer. An old wisdom tells that the young rattlesnake is apt to use more venom in an attack than his older counterpart. Remember when you first started your first job, or any other job that you loved? You were probably filled with a fire, a zealousness that could serve to get you into trouble, left unchecked. That’s why second lieutenants get a seasoned non-commissioned officer, a sergeant first class, to help guide his or her actions.
· There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
There is a scene in an old war movie, I think it is the Green Berets, where an old veteran sergeant major tells a bunch of younger troops that a battle was imminent and that they had better start praying to whichever god they believed in. Given the right mix of circumstances and enough danger, people need something to believe in—even if that spirituality is a lack thereof, it is replaced with something that the person will believe in.
· A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
Don’t count on what the user’s manual, instructions, specifications, or technical documentation says that the equipment can or will do. There is something said amongst information technology professionals: Bugs and such in programs are cynically referred to as “undocumented features.” Don’t underestimate your circumstances by letting such “undocumented features” sneak up on you.
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If you are reading this then there is a good chance that you came here seeking pearls of wisdom by which to enrich your life. Today I will present something slightly different than the usual fare: They say that variety is the “spice of life,” so let’s look at some long-held common wisdom and pick it apart to see what makes it truly tick.
Murphy's Lesser-Known Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A good friend of mine, Rick, should like this one because it is reminiscent of a quote of which he is fond. If you can look smarter than you might sound, reconsider saying anything.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Thinking quickly is sometimes something people are born with. The rest of us learn how to think more quickly.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
In other words, don’t bring a knife to a gunfight. When confronted with an opportunity, use the best tool for the job.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
When you’re not attributing to malice what you can attribute to ignorance, people tend to have dumb luck in the face of foolproof methods which you have implemented.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
I’d like to look into the probabilities of this, but I know this: When you’re faced with too much information, you tend to choose the wrong one. In circumstances as such you should “use your heart.” What tends otherwise is that you will over-analyze, panic, or both: Neither allows for a good probability for a good decision.
6. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Boldness! Speed! Simplicity!
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
What can I say about this? There are people out there that work only to live and will choose laziness above productivity and contribution to society.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
…And my shins can prove it.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
…This is what is wrong with the American tax system. When you get enough wealth people will tend to attack you in some way or another and you’ll be targeted to redistribute that wealth to others that aren’t motivated enough to make the wealth themselves.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Although it is a bit cynical…justice through the judgment of your “peers” has its benefits…and it’s drawbacks.
Most people, on a daily basis, go to work to earn just enough to support their lifestyle: What comes over and above that is for fun. I’ve heard the “going to work” part referred to as one’s “rice bowl” while the other I like to refer to as pie.
Don’t just work for the rice, strive for the pie!
The wonderful, the famous: Code Monkey!
It's a song. It's an affectionate term for a programmer. It's a cultural icon of monkey-loving geeks everywhere!
Wednesdays will be for wisdom found on T-shirts, bumper stickers, signs, and the like.
Today:
“Mean people breed little mean people.”
Just think of the ramifications: Kids, just like their parents. Scary as hell, if you ask me.
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