After S.J. introduced this blog to me I loved the idea. From there is started spreading like wildfire: I can already count at least 5 other people that are friends or friends of friends doing this or setting up the initial makings of a blog. These people are all from work; that being said, without further ado, let me introduce you to my world.

I am, officially, a Resolutions Support Consultant (Permanent). At least that's what goes on the resume. Unofficially I'm a subject matter expert, an analyst, and a quasi-supervisor taking escalated calls from customers in receivables management. For the uninitiated the RM department handles accounts with past due balances. We also handle issues related to security deposits, refunds, payment arrangements, payment options, bill interpretation and "basic" billing disputes. Between taking calls I am a powerhouse for creating job aids, software applications, reports, knowledge management tools, and any other need that the mangement team has to make the business go forward.

That's the syntax. It's an interesting workplace in which my colleagues and I are the elite. Selected from basic floor representatives, we have proven ourselves in one form or another: Everything from masters of "tone and demeanor" to collections masters. Dozens of calls are monitored-outside of normal quality monitors-to ensure that you meet certain requirements that leadership feels mesh with the current culture of the Resolutions Support Desk. Then, there is the written test to screen out those people who completely don't know what they're doing. It also separates the people who can bluff their way in as a subject matter expert from those that actually has the substance as such.

In this regard, we often compare ourselves to Army Special Forces.

All of us share certain personality traits: Our toughest critics are ourselves. We pick things apart to find what makes them tick. We can look at an account detail and, within moments, determine what is happening with it. We possess an assertive initiative with a flair for things obscure and an innate ability to recite rote policy and procedure. Generally, we are geeks.

Let me explain that one. There are nerds and geeks. When you think of a nerd the image from the popular 80's movie comes to mind. Super-intelligent people with a certain social ineptness. Geeks are all this with the social aptitude. I consider myself a geek. I consider it a compliment.

In this established world of policy and procedure, we must make order from chaos. Our wireless company has millions of customers. Eighty percent of these people have no problems and love our service. The remaining 20 percent do not have the same disposition, unfortunately.

Ever called about your cell phone bill and, for some reason, escalated the call on them by asking to speak with their supervisor? If you have ever done this, chances are that you have spoken to a person that works in my job. I am Matthew, and I am a Resolutions Consultant.

People are interesting creatures. If they get what they want, chances are they're "fight" will turn into "flight" and all will be well with the universe. However, if they do not get what they want, the "fight" generally kicks in. This reflex can range anywhere from a heavy sigh to a profuse chain of swear words that not even my father on-the-farm-after-getting-kicked-by-a-cow didn't teach me.

It doesn't end there. You see all things. If you're a student of human nature or just psychology in general you would love my job because-just as anyone who has worked in the customer service business will tell you-it's all about people.

I also hear this by customers on a regular basis.

Let's go through just a few of the funnies, ironies, or what-not I see on a daily basis. These are real-world examples with nothing made up, nothing changed. Most of the specifics have been withheld for several purposes, if only to keep the world from knowing the identities of the truly dim ones out there.

The owner of the "Super Happy Bunny Company," upon having problems with cross-talk issues (receiving other people's calls and having other people receive theirs), escalated to me over this (which is, in fact, a customer care issue). He was not happy. He didn't sound like a bunny, either.

People who think saying that "Okay, well, I'll just cancel my service" will have any effect on me whatsoever. During B-school I turned all of my emotions into one, multi-purpose emotion. Fear isn't one of those purposes.

One time, while taking normal collections calls as a representative "on the floor," a customer-an African-American customer-upon hearing what they did not want to hear called me the n-word. The great irony about this is what kind of person I am and my personality.

Let me explain.
I am a 26-year old conservative white male. My family finds their roots in Scandanavia, some of the British Isles, and Nova Scotia (look up Donald McKay in an encyclopedia sometime, he is related). I am the guy whose dress is conservative (I'm known for constantly wearing slacks and a tie at work. One time I wore jeans and a T-shirt on a bet and someone walked into a support column while their head was turned looking at me in awe) and has that wiser-than-his-age aura about him. I don't like the downfalls that society has taken, don't drink much, don't smoke at all, don't like bad drivers or the general amount of disrespect in the world.

Are you laughing about the n-word thing yet?

Yeah, if you aren't laughing about that you will be soon.

...Because my job is freakin' hillarious.